I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
