yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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