i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
