good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
