let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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