Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
