I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dicks are not precious.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
