dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
