You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
