Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
