1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
