You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
