last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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