Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
