fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
