I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
