I just cut my nipple shaving
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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