i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
