We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
