yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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