my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
