I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
