i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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