Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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