I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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