You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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