I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you