I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.