he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid