TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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