I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
