Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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