i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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