I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
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Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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