were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
