i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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