Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize