I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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