she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
