i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
