My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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