Jerry, you need to find god
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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