ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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