I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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