i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
