i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
