im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
