At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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