Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
