I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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