dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
