Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
