would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize