i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
