yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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