u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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