i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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