farters have to be the big spoon...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
