I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
