i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
