they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
