So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
