dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize