You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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