i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
