idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
