do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
