tell your sister to shave her snatch
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
