one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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