I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
