yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
