somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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